Born…Primary school…High school…University…well paid job…marriage…house… kids…work 9-5 until you’re 65…retire…die. Congratulations, life complete. That’s how the order rolls, right? Actually…the order of life events is whatever you damn well want it to be.
The rules are slowly becoming bent as people wake up to the fact that working in a boxed cubicle in a ‘well paid’ but soul sucking job for 8 hours a day is pretty shit, and that the high light of your day shouldn’t be the 30 minute shared lunch for Tom’s birthday or getting an upgrade of your stapler or swiveling office chair. As a whole though, it still seems we have been programmed into believing that if we don’t follow this structure of life as I mentioned above, then in some way we have failed, with a high risk of getting labelled as someone who ‘doesn’t have their shit together’.
When I was going through my high school years I always felt like it was just not for me, it was like I just wasn’t ready to take all that information in at that time in my life. I loved P.E. class, the creative writing part of English class and when I got to sit there and zone out into my own world while in General Studies (what the heck was ‘General Studies’ anyway?!?) ….but I was just going through the motions. It was just what was ‘supposed’ to happen, what everyone else did and I didn’t want to be a drop kick…so I stayed, memorising the periodic table and learning algebra which has served sweet eff-all in my life to date. Along came my 20s and I felt like I was ready to learn at this time but making my mind up as to what was about as straight forward as picking just one Quest bar flavour (Questie addicts will know this struggle). One minute I was studying travel & tourism, then I wanted to study childcare, next minute I was enrolling in a photography course, then studying fitness & health, also throwing in some of floristry, hairdressing, massage, nutrition and counseling. It was fair to say I was a big creative mess and at that time didn’t quite know why I couldn’t make my mind up, while everyone else was seemingly bouncing along nicely in their one chosen course with their heads in their university books getting closer to that piece of paper that tells them they can have that job with the big pay cheque and one of those fancy ergonomic office chairs.
I came across as if (and felt like) I was being very indecisive, flimsy, easily distracted and was unable to stick to just one thing. Fortunately I always had amazing backing from my family and they were very patient and supportive with my 100mph inspirational ideas vomit and frequent life directional changes. In reality looking back I was actually doing EXACTLY what I should have been doing and what I needed to do at the time, for everything I studied and the roads that I traveled back then is actually serving me in such a positive way now. Every path I took has given me that life experience that I needed for my particular personality, and has settled me into now knowing exactly what work I want to do and that will forever keep me in happy-career-ville (without the big motha’ of a student loan).
Who the hell made up the rule that by the time we are 18 you have to know what you want to do in the next extended phase of your life? One minute you’re sitting in a class room having to ask permission to go to the toilet and next minute you need to know what career you are going to do for the next 50 years. Does that sounds silly to anyone else or just me??
Schools and university definitely has it’s place and in no way am I saying that it’s a bad thing, not at all. But, my point here is that I think we need to be more lenient and accepting of everyone’s COMPLETELY different learning styles and the time period of that learning, nourishing each individual and not being so quick to chuck them into the ‘lost cause’ bucket. Someone might be in struggle city with D grades at 16 years old, but they could also be a high roller owning part of Barbados by the time they are 35 because they took the time to follow what they felt was right.
Another example. Marriage and babies. Now this one’s a goodin, and I was sucked into this whole idea as well.
I grew up with seeing my parents marry at a young age, going through the normal ups and downs in life but always sticking together and in my opinion getting an A+ for team work. Monkey see monkey do, and decided pretty early on that I too wanted that all and I would set a time frame in my head…house by 25, married by 26, babies by 27 and then ya know…happily ever after and all that jazz. Quite normal for a female to think this way as I think it’s encoded in our DNA or something (D- for that scientific explanation) or again just that ‘society says this is the way it goes’ thing and we follow suit. So, 25 – house, tick. 26 – married, tick. 27 – divorced… wait, what? F*ck. That wasn’t on the plan.
I was so rose visioned with the ‘idea’ of what was meant to be by society’s standards and stuck in that ‘time frame’ thing…that I completely lost all sense of my own happiness. I was ticking off that list but wasn’t listening to the red flashing signs that I was: with the wrong person, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I was miserable, in a really bad situation, refusing to see what was happening right in front of my face and couldn’t even be honest with myself that I was totally lost….but, ya know… white picket fence and all that!
But life has a funny way of waking you up (read next upcoming blog: Life Tsunami) and when you realise that you can’t even be arsed getting out of bed to see your white picket fence because you’re so depressed, its time to say sayonara to societies time line instructions and your old school perceptions. This situation is very unique to me and I know there are people out there who have been married young with kids and are still very much on an amazing path and will continue to be for the rest of their lives, boom, you get an A+ too. But for those of you that are at any particular age and thinking any of these things:
- I should be married by now because all my friends are and I’m tired of hearing: if you’re coupled up, ‘it’s your turn nextttt!’ (no pressure at all..) or if you’re single ‘when are you going to find someone?’ (you know they really mean ‘just pick a human…any human! I’ve got a nice dress I want to wear to your wedding’)
- I should have babies by now because Women’s Weekly said my biological clock is ticking, and when I put up a picture with a kid in it on Facebook my friends are writing things like ‘suits you! ;) xx’ (if coupled up you will FEEL THIS PRESSURE)
- I should own my own house now because I’m gonna need that mortgage debt like everyone else so I have something to rant about with others at dinner parties, and a kitchen to make a fancy couscous salad to take to that dinner party
I give you permission to calm down. Like, seriously…Calm. Down. There is no reason why you can’t dream about or completely believe you’ll have all the things you truly want in life, because you absolutely can and should. But let me tell you…the more you try to control everything or stress about what you don’t have, the more resistance you are creating and worrying will only take you further away from your dreams. The calmer and free flowing you let your life be, the more you will attract what you want. I absolutely still want and know I will have all of these things in my life, but I now know (quite apparently) I cannot and will not control the timing of it all, and I’m completely cool with that. I’m not stressing over it because I know it will all come to me when its meant to, with the right person, in the right place….and I don’t really care about a fence, I just want a spot to grow some veges and half of the driveway to put the weekend trip combi van.
On an end note, there is no time-frame restrictions for anything in life. We are all completely different individuals, there is no way we are all on the same time-lines for things we want to achieve in life so don’t compare yourself to the masses. Strip away all of your preconceived conditioned thoughts about the structure of life or what you’ve been led to believe is the ‘correct’ way of living, follow what feels right for you and carry on living to the fullest every single day.
Peace/love,
